A Tale of Two Days

There are two versions of the day ahead of me every day I wake up – the day I expect to have and the day I actually have.

Typically, the day I expect to have looks a little something like this – I wake up with sufficient energy in plenty of time to get myself and my baby girl stylishly dressed, fed and out the door 5-10 minutes earlier than I had planned. I get to work with my 5 month old in tow where she will have two long naps that she goes down easily for, keeps herself perfectly occupied while she’s awake and I am able to get every last thing on my to-do list done. Then I’ll head home where I’ll have time and energy to clean up the house, cook a healthy dinner, maybe get a work out in and enjoy quality bonding time with my husband and daughter before we all go to sleep.

In reality, the day I actually have looks like this – I snooze through one alarm too many and wake up looking like the walking dead after being up throughout the night, hastily get myself and Selah dressed in whatever vaguely matches, get us both breakfast and leave for work 5-10 minutes later than I wanted. When we get there, she will perfectly occupy herself for exactly 2 minutes and then the dance of “dangle a toy in front of her, respond to an email, change a diaper, get schedules together” begins. She will fight every nap and I’ll work to finish yesterday’s to-do list while adding to today’s. When I get home, I’ll wash precisely one dish before Selah needs attending to. Dinner will somehow be made by myself or Scott with a 50/50 shot of it being relatively healthy or just easy, I’ll workout once every two weeks and by the time we’ve put Selah down for the night, Scott and I will be so exhausted that we are in bed by 9pm, ready to wake up the next day and somehow do it all over again.

Although, to be fair, we do normally get in a sweet hour or so of giggles and play time where to-do lists are forgotten and the mounting house chores don’t seem so important. Our chaotic reality is far from bad.

This thought of these two types of days struck me at 2am last night as I sleepily fed Selah. The day behind us had been frustratingly difficult. It struck me that there have been so many days that mirror the latter description and I find myself so incredibly drained and discouraged when I lay my head down at the end of the day.

Why?

If I’m honest, it’s because more often than not, I put my hope in that perfect day. I put my hope in great nap times for Selah so that I can get things done. I put my hope in being able to check off my work to-do list and my home to-do list so that I can rest in my accomplishments. And oh! How I put my hope in an uninterrupted night’s sleep.

And when those things falter, my spirits are deflated. When I fall short of the expectations I’ve set for myself, I feel as though I’ve failed. When my daughter is being what my sweet coworker calls “emotive” for hours, my patience dwindles down to nothing.

This is why we aren’t called to put our hope in any of those things – not my own strength, not a clean house, not a baby who magically doesn’t cry, and certainly not in somehow attaining an Instagram worthy life. Putting our hope in those things drain us. But there is a source of hope we can go to that will not disappoint.

“but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40:31

The verse above is quoted so often, for good reason. It points to the truth of where we can safely put our hope. In the Lord! And what happens when we put our hope in the Lord? Well, the opposite of what happens when we put our hope in earthly things. Our strength is renewed. We don’t grow weary or faint.

When my hope in earthly things fails me, I get burned out. But when I place my hope in our unchanging, steadfast God, my strength is renewed. When my hope rests in him, I don’t need to fall apart when nap time runs short. When my hope is with God, it is ok if the laundry remains unfolded for one more day.

I would love a perfect day. And some days are certainly better than others. But even in the really long, seemingly unending days, I can remember this truth:

“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.”

2 Corinthians 4:6-9

I have by no means learned this lesson. I wish I could say that I have, but it’s a work in progress. I still get brought down when things don’t go as planned, I still feel weak because I live on my own strength, BUT! Praise God there are moments when it all clicks. When I rest in him and trust him in those moments, my perspective can shift. I can see his intervention in the fallen world we live in. I can see his glory in the mundane. I can trust his goodness after an incredibly hard day. And my hope in him will never let me down.

Instead of battling with my own expectations of my day in light of the reality I see before me, I can give thanks for the gift that is. In the words of David Platt, I can “honor God with what [I] can control and trust him with what [I] can’t”.