A Theology of Potty Training

Potty training is the worst.

I wouldn’t wish the process on anyone, but I definitely take comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in the mess…literally.

We started our journey the week of Thanksgiving 2020. Scott had the week off from school and we weren’t traveling anywhere so the conditions seemed ideal. I had also just finished reading a book that assured me their method was foolproof and if it didn’t work, well then you did something wrong.

We woke up that Monday morning and turned Selah’s world upside down. The first few days were brutal. I’ll spare you the details, but it wasn’t pretty and all three of us were exhausted. But after day three, things seemed to start clicking. We even had a full week of no accidents. Plenty of tantrums when I tried to get her to sit on the potty, but no accidents.

But after that wonderful week, everything fell apart. Accidents galore and broken wills. After a couple of months of constant accidents and no sign of progress, I gave up. I was more pregnant with Micah every day and I just couldn’t handle it.

Of course I would love to tell you that I didn’t feel like a failure or feel like a terrible mom or feel that my child’s inability to grasp this new change wasn’t a personal attack on my own worth as a person - but that would be a lie. And maybe a story for another day.

Regardless, we pushed pause until well after Micah was born.We waited through the summer after we got back from vacation and started again in August when Scott went back to school and our lives fell back into a routine.

I woke up each morning and told Selah, “You are a big girl. You put your tee-tee and poop in the potty. I know you can do it.” I have said these sentences maybe 10,000 times every day for over a month now. I will remind her if it’s been awhile or it seems like something’s brewing.

One day, seemingly out of nowhere, something actually clicked. She was having a riveting conversation with her baby brother, stopped mid-sentence, successfully ran to the potty to take care of business, and came back to Micah to finish what she was saying, like none of it was a big deal. Meanwhile, I have never been more excited to see pee in a potty in my entire life. And her first successful poop? Happy dances all around.

There are still some days where she has accidents. When we’re out of the house and out of routine, I have to be on high alert. But more days than not, she’s got it.

Praise the Lord.

But let’s talk about the accidents. By God’s grace, I handle most of them fairly well. We acknowledge that they happened, remind her that she’s a big girl and what that means, and say that next time, we can work to put everything in the potty.

But there have been a few times where I have lost it. Usually when poop is involved.

It’s always when I start to have the thought, “I think it’s happened! She’s potty trained. We did it.” Within the hour of having that thought, the you know what hits the undies.

I get so frustrated because, shouldn’t we be past this? Haven’t we already learned this? We’re going on A YEAR of this nonsense! Other kids don’t seem to have such a hard time with this! Why isn’t it clicking? What am I doing wrong?

The last time I lost my cool, a sobering thought entered my mind.

My sanctification is no different than my sweet daughter’s potty training journey.

I have been walking with the Lord far longer than Selah has been potty training. So I should be a total expert by now, right? I shouldn’t have any issues with anger or envy or despair or discontentment. I should never have bad days. I know the truth so I should totally ace this whole ‘life’ thing.

But we all know that’s not true. In fact, I will never ‘arrive’ this side of heaven. Lord willing I’ll be more patient, kind, loving, joyful, faithful, and gentle 20 years from now than I am today. But I’ll never perfect those character traits.

BUT there is also another similarity between my walk with Jesus and Selah’s potty training - grace.

God has given me his grace, not only when he saved me, but in every single moment of my life. From the time my day starts in the early hours before my children wake up, until the moment I collapse into bed at the end of the day, every moment is marked by his grace. There are days when I look back and the feelings of failure try to overtake my thoughts - “Why did I respond that way? Why did I struggle with anger so much today? Haven’t I learned this lesson yet? After all these years?” But instead, I am called to listen to the truth of the grace of my God.

His acceptance of me does not depend on the perfection of my works but on the perfection of the work of his Son. Of course he calls me to be more like him. In fact, he gives me daily opportunities to grow in my faith. Just as my daughter has multiple moments a day to practice her potty training, God gives me countless moments to practice my patience, grow in love, and rely on his strength.

Some days there are exciting successes! Other days are a complete mess. But every single day, there is “grace upon grace” (John 1:16).

I choose to start each day in fellowship with God, reminding myself of who I am and preparing to face whatever the day has in store the same way that I remind Selah, “You are a big girl, you get to use the potty” as she starts her day. When I remind Selah a thousand times that her potty is right next to us if she needs it, I also have to stop myself and remember that God’s grace is readily accessible. Just as I handle (most days) Selah’s accidents with grace and care, I can trust that my wonderful heavenly Father responds the same way to my own shortcomings.

If you’re in a season of potty training, first let me offer my condolences. But then let me encourage you to embrace the whole season as a beautiful picture of God’s gracious work in your own life.

If you are well past this stage or nowhere near it, you can still bask in the grace of God as you go about each day. His grace is sufficient and his strength is unwavering. He lavishes both on you.

Lord willing, my daughter will eventually get this whole potty training thing down 100% this side of heaven. I, however, will never reach perfection. In this season and the next, for as long as we are here on this earth, we will both need the grace of God to carry us through. And praise the Lord, there is an endless supply of it, sufficient to handle even our messiest of days.