Advent Love and Toddler Tantrums

I love starting off each of my posts by relating a moment in my every day life to the gospel topic at hand. But to decide on one toddler tantrum to highlight for this post would be like trying to choose a single grain of sand to represent the beach - the possibilities are infinite.

One that stands out from this past week is when Selah went to drink from her Frozen cup but Anna was facing her instead of Elsa. As you can imagine, this meant the world was ending. Of course we have our standard tantrums over leaving the park when it’s time for lunch, not wanting to share toys with her now mobile baby brother, or me asking her to stop a destructive behavior. Just this last weekend, she decided pushing our empty stroller around our church sanctuary at full speed was a good idea. Praise the Lord I was able to stop her before she took out one of our elders. She, however, didn’t take my intervention very well.

My daughter’s entire second year has been spent learning how to handle tantrums. We’ve got big emotions, strong wills, and a total disregard for whether we’re in public or not. I think back to her newborn days when our biggest challenge was sleeping through the night. Now, here we are with screaming, crying, and door slamming (isn’t that supposed to wait until the teenage years?). It is hard for me to look at my sweet baby boy and realize that his tantrums are just on the horizon.

Well wouldn’t you know we can find encouragement and an example to model in the midst of toddler tantrums in Advent love?

You may already be tracking with me, but Jesus didn’t come to the world to rescue his adoring fans. He came to rescue his enemies (Romans 5:10). He condescended from Heaven and was born to die for the sins of those who opposed him. The love displayed in the manger and on the cross was perfect, sacrificial, and marked by humility (Philippians 2:5-11). The world did not open up its arms to receive the incredible love of God incarnate, but despised and rejected him (Isaiah 53:3-4).

But despite being rejected, despite being met with hate, despite the constant, rebellious nature of his children, God’s love prevailed. Look at this beautiful description of God’s perfect love:

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

This passage is often quoted in wedding ceremonies. It is often lifted up as the ideal picture of love between a husband and wife. And while that is a beautiful sentiment, I think that sells this passage short. The love described in these verses points to a greater source - Jesus Christ. His love is patient when our patience runs short. His love is kind when our hearts are hardened by circumstances. His love does not envy or boast, when ours is tainted by selfishness. His love never, ever ends.

This is the love we celebrate during the Advent season and it’s the love we are called to imitate to those around us - especially to our tantrum throwing toddlers.

There is another side of his love that is often misunderstood or even straight up ignored. He disciplines those whom he loves.

“My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord,
    nor be weary when reproved by him.
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves,
    and chastises every son whom he receives.”

It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:5b-11

This growing unpopular word ‘discipline’ is a display of God’s love. Did you catch that? When God saved you, he didn’t leave you to continue to live in your sinful state. He began a beautiful, sanctifying work in your life. By his grace, he uses the circumstances in your life to mold you into his likeness, helping you die to the sin you once served, painful as that may be, and live for him.

I don’t think it’s too far fetched to see God’s discipline in our own lives as we do the work of discipline in our children’s lives. Maybe it’s just me, but discipline can be super inconvenient. My children don’t magically become saints when we go out in public. They don’t pause their tantrums when I need to get dinner ready. They don’t save their need for discipline when I am at my best, completely rested and ready to face the day.

No, the tantrums happen when I am already running on empty. They happen when I am weak and prone to snap. They happen when I’m distracted and not mentally prepared. They happen in the middle of fun family days I had high expectations for. They happen in the store or at church or at the park when all eyes are on me.

And it is in the moments, when I am weak and weary that I can rely on God’s strength to reflect his love to my children. I can be kind and patience when I’m sleep deprived. I can be selfless when I’m interrupted. I can reflect the humble, sacrificial love that was introduced at the manger and displayed on the cross to my beautiful, rebellious children.

I can do all of this because God loved me first. Let us be reminded of the perfect, unending, sacrificial love we have received in Christ. Not one of us deserves this great love, yet he lavishes it on us. It isn’t weakened when we throw our grown up versions of tantrums. It isn’t inflated when we, by his grace, do good things. It is steady, constant, unbound by circumstances, and eternal.

The Advent love we have received is a beautiful picture to reflect. By God’s grace, we can lay ourselves down and lift him up. This is the love we are called to share with the world and the love we are meant to display to our children.

So for all my young mama friends out there, stay the course. Look at how faithfully God has loved you in all of your mess and reflect that love to your beautiful little tantrum monsters. Hold firm in discipline just as God has lovingly disciplined you. Ask for the Holy Spirit to bear the fruit of kindness, patience, gentleness, and love in your relationship with your littles. And when we don’t handle the tantrums well? Ask for forgiveness from God and from your littles. Demonstrate to them that even when mama messes up, there is forgiveness and grace and mercy available to us because of the great love God has given.