Clinging to Christ in Motherhood
My three-year-old son has always been my barnacle baby. In his infancy, he insisted on being held by only me, more than my daughter ever did. As he grew into a toddler, the image that is most present in my mind is him reaching his little arms up to me for me to hold him. Even when I’m not actively carrying him, he is quick to sneak in a hug or a cuddle from his mama, whenever he can.
Last summer, we started the arduous journey of teaching him to be a little more independent. At two years old, we encouraged him to take short walks on his own two feet, assuring him he could do it and that he didn’t need Mama to carry him. While there were many protests in the beginning, he slowly started to accept that he didn’t need to be attached to me 24/7.
A year later, there has been so much growth in this area. We can take short hikes as a family without him needing to be carried. He’ll walk around the lakes we live by on his own. He is so much better about walking from the car into a store without needing to be held.
We are still far from complete independence. I know his limits and what he is capable of handling before I need to step in with the assist. I also know there will come a day when I’ll hold him for the last time. He won’t always reach up for me or see me as the means to get to his destination. So while I’ll continue to encourage his independence, I’ll still savor the moments where he just needs his mama to carry him.
The other morning, I started reading the book of Deuteronomy. If you haven’t read it in a while, I encourage you to do so! It is rich with images and examples of God’s love for his people and the greatness of our God. While I have read it before, a couple of verses in the first chapter stuck out to me and lodged themselves in my brain.
“The Lord your God who goes before you will himself fight for you, just as he did for you in Egypt before your eyes, and in the wilderness, where you have seen how the Lord your God carried you, as a man carries his son, all the way that you went until you came to this place.” Deuteronomy 1: 30-31
Reading these verses before kids, I don’t think I ever noticed the picture painted here. But after kids? It was as clear as day. God carried the Israelites and presently carries us as a man carries his son. Based on all that I shared above, I can assure you I understand what it means to carry your son. If you have had babies or small children of your own, I imagine you know it well too.
In all my years of motherhood, there are three main reasons I’ve needed to carry my children. The first is because they are too tired or too weak to make it to their destination. When my children were babies, I wore them in a wrap everywhere we went. They obviously couldn’t walk yet, so I needed to carry them to get anywhere. As they began to learn to walk, they still were unable to make it far distances. So if we were hiking, I would wear them in our hiking backpack carrier. If we were taking a long walk, I would carry them around in a stroller. I still bring our wagon with us if we try to undertake something like the zoo or a farmer’s market.
The second reason is that they are throwing an out-of-control tantrum, and we have somewhere we need to go. Have you ever had to carry your screaming toddler out of a library in a fireman’s hold? I’ve received that badge of honor many times. My arm muscles are as strong as they’ve ever been because I had a long season where I would need to wrangle screaming toddlers out of a situation. It’s no easy feat, it’s mildly humiliating, and it’s mentally exhausting. But if I didn’t pick my children up in those moments, we’d never get to where we needed to go.
The third reason is the best reason. It’s when they need love and assurance. My favorite moments are when my kids see me from a distance and start running full force into my open arms. They know they’ll find love ready for them, so they run at full speed straight to the source. There are other times when my children get nervous, scared, or hurt, and run to me for security, safety, and care.
The more I think about the verses mentioned above and the more I think about what it looks like for God to carry his children, the more striking the similarities between my children and myself become.
There are countless instances where I have been too tired or too weak to walk the path God has set before me. On my own strength, I can’t do it. I’d never make it to the end. But when God carries me like a child, I can make it to the finish line by his strength and power, when my own is depleted.
There are also more moments than I care to admit where I throw a grown-up tantrum about the path we’re heading down. My selfishness kicks in and I don’t want to accept what God has for me. My impatience or anger bursts out when things around me are too much. But God doesn’t accept these reactions. He carries me through them, faithfully bringing me through situations that will stretch and grow me as his child and, Lord willing, mortify the sin I’m so quick to let rule my heart.
The last reason is also the best. There have been plenty of times when I have been hurt, scared, and anxious and needed reassurance from my Savior. There are times when I joyfully run to the refuge of my God because I know and trust his steadfast love is waiting for me. These times when the God of the universe lovingly embraces his sinful child are beautiful and full of grace, peace, and hope.
The difference between the way I carry my children and the way God carries his is the simple fact that I won’t always carry my kiddos, but God always will. Where I try to teach independence in my children, God is constantly teaching dependence on him to his people. Where my goal as a mom is to see my kids continue to grow strong and capable on their own, God’s plan is to prove to his children that we are in desperate need of him forever and always - and that’s a good thing.
I’ve recently had a shift in my life, and I realized I was clinging to too many things that weren’t God. I was clinging to me-time, my own desires, my worth outside of God, and anything else that was me-centered. Frankly, it wasn’t going well. Every time I ran to anything outside of God’s arms, I found myself weary, discontented, and despairing.
But when I cling to God in my life and in my motherhood, when I run to his arms and embrace his ability and willingness to carry me through anything, that is when I find the abundant life he promises. Not the easy life, not the Pinterest-perfect life, not even the life I imagined for myself. But I find a life that is centered on God and displays his glory in every moment, from the mundane to the monumental. Look at the promises we have when we run to God:
“Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved’ Psalm 55:22
“Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
all the remnant of the house of Israel,
who have been borne by me from before your birth,
carried from the womb;
even to your old age I am he,
and to gray hairs I will carry you.
I have made, and I will bear;
I will carry and will save.” Isaiah 46:3-4“When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears and delivers them out of all their troubles.” Psalm 34:17
“But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31
What do you cling to in your life and motherhood? Do you cling to the social world we live in? Do you cling to your own strength? Do you cling to your free time, your friend group, or worldly success? Might I lovingly suggest that none of those things can hold you up? None of those things can carry you through this life or through motherhood. But God can. His arms are open and he is ready to bear everything you have to lay down. Stop striving for strength and independence and allow yourself the blessing of depending on God. Run to him in every moment and let the God who is holding the universe together carry you throughout each of your days.
