Patience, Kindness, and Toddler Logic

My children are obsessed with water bottles. I’m not entirely sure where this shared love came from or why our cabinet is bursting full of various kinds of cups, but here we are. We recently found a style of water bottle that seems to work best for both of them - it isn’t prone to spills, it’s easy to keep clean, and (the biggest selling point) it comes in all kinds of patterns.

The only catch is that there’s a removable straw. While my four-year-old has no problem with this concept, it is my 2-year-old’s greatest joy to push the straw into the cup where he can no longer access it. It always leaves him in the same predicament. Once the straw is gone, he can’t drink his water.

So now he finds either Mama or Dada to let us know, “Water stuck!” We have told him countless times not to push his straw into his water bottle. We’ve explained it to him, and he’s seen the consequences of his own actions time and time again. And yet, I guarantee you that at some point today, he’s going to do it again. I would love to tell you that I approach this expected situation with a beautiful grace every time, but…

What is interesting is that there is a familiarity in my son’s actions that I didn’t recognize until the other day. My son had, once again, pushed the straw into his water bottle and brought it over to me to fix it. As I was getting it out, he looked at me and sang, “No, no, no! No push straw! No, no, no!”

This little song he performed was what finally clicked all the pieces together for me. As I stared down at my toddler, I realized I was staring at a miniature version of myself. Not in the “Oh look! He has my nose!” kind of way. But an “Oh look…he has the same sin in his heart that I have in mine” kind of way.

At this moment, I only saw myself reflected back in my son’s actions. I saw my own heart choosing to be selfish even though I know what God’s call for my life is and what the end result of selfish actions will be. I saw my resolve falling apart into anger even though I know that is not the right response and the fallout isn’t worth it. I saw myself going back to all of my comfort sins, knowing full well that that is not where God intends me to dwell.

While I was certainly struck by the sinful similarities between my son and me, I was also struck by the vast difference between God and myself when it comes to discipline. The distinct marker in how our God disciplines us, even as we deliberately disobey and constantly make wrong choices, is his unending patience and his unwavering kindness. Read this passage from Titus with me:

“For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.” Titus 3:3-7

Praise God that he is not given to the same impatience and unkind whims that I am in his discipline. I have given him every reason to be short with me, to lose his cool, to be frustrated and weary. And yet, he meets my mess with mercy. He meets my problems with patience. He meets every disobedience with kindness I don’t deserve. What hope for all of us who are as slow to learn how to surrender our sinful hearts in every moment as my sweet baby boy is with this silly straw!

And here is further hope for the believer. This same God, who is so patient and kind with us in all of our shortcomings, dwells within each believer’s heart. This perfect and strong God is actively living within us in all of our weak and challenging moments, ready for us to run to as we fall short. Our own patience is finite, but his is infinite. Our own kindness towards our misbehaving children certainly has its limits, but God’s is limitless.

The next time your children need you to teach them and discipline them, remember how patient God has been with you as you grow in your faith. Take a deep breath and use these moments with your children to reflect the character of God to them. Meet their mess with mercy. Attend to their problems with patience.

We cannot hope to bring any of this fruit into the discipline of our children by our own strength. But through the strength of God’s spirit, it is possible. The fruit of his Spirit is “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23a). Turn to Christ. Pray for the strength to wage battle against our own sinful hearts as we humbly put in the work to point our children to him. Don’t grow weary in this good, good work (Galatians 6:9).

And maybe find a good water bottle with a firmly attached straw.