The Slow Work of Sanctification

Our daughter is a butt scooter. Unapologetically so. As hard as we have tried to encourage the normal crawling route, she has given an emphatic “No, thank you” and has scooted her way to wherever she pleases. Furthermore, she has given us no indication that she will be walking anytime soon. I imagine she thinks, “Why walk when I scoot faster than mom’s normal walking pace?”

When I am at my best and have chosen to rest in the sovereignty of God while doing the work required of me, I don’t worry about the ramifications of this mode of transportation. I know our daughter is happy and healthy and that we (with the help of her doctor and daycare provider) are doing what we can to encourage all the developmental milestones she is expected to meet. But there have been more days than I care to admit where the off-hand comments from others, the pleading concerns we’ve received saying our child is doomed if she doesn’t crawl, and the seemingly normal development of other babies her age inflames the desire to worry in my heart.

Her daycare provider has become an immense support to us in this stage and gave us one word of homework for Christmas holiday – stand. She told us to have her stand as much as she would handle. Standing with us assisting, standing at the couch, standing just for the sake of standing. Our goal was to help her stand each day we had on break.

So we did! At first, our efforts were met by lots of tears and frustrated cries – mostly by Selah. Standing would only last for a moment or two. She didn’t want to be stationary! Or try out this weird walking thing. She had scooting to do! But we persisted. We soon discovered what all parents discover at some point – Cheerios are actually evidence of God’s common grace to us all. Selah had no problem standing at the couch if there was a plethora of Cheerios in front of her to munch on.

So, two weeks of intensive, intentional training – is she walking yet? No. Pulling up on things? No. Crawling? No. Standing on her own? No.

But there is a difference. Growth is happening. It’s subtle and would be totally overlooked unless you’re with her every day. But it’s there.

Just the other day, I was cooking dinner in the kitchen and was watching her play with her toys in the other room. She had just moved in a new way I hadn’t seen before, proving that her muscles were getting stronger. These small, minute evidences of growth were happening daily and I thanked God for the blessing of being able to see it.

It struck me that I’m not too terribly different in my own growth. There are huge milestones I wish to achieve this side of heaven. I long to never worry or fear. I would be overjoyed to never again be brought down by intrusive depressive thoughts. But, while I wish I could say to someone “Yep, I just don’t worry anymore. I know! It’s about time, right?” I’m not there yet.

As I’ve mentioned before, God did a significant amount of work in my life through the season of postpartum depression he brought me through. God walked with me in the darkest valley I have walked through so far in my life. He used something painful to show me that he is exactly who he says he is. He revealed the depth of my bondage to worry, fear and depression and gave me (and continues to give me) opportunities every day to rest in Him and strengthen my faith.

So, about 10 months of intense, intentional training – Can I face all my circumstances without worrying? No. Have I totally forgone the pull of depression? No. Am I able to completely ignore irrational fears every time they enter my mind? No.

But, praise God, there is a difference. It is subtle and totally overlooked unless you’re with me every day. But there are moments when I start to worry and stop, renewing my mind with the truth of God’s word. There are so many thoughts that roll through my mind that try to bring me down into the pit of depression I used to dwell in, but more times than not, I combat the lies with truth and choose to rest in the peace God offers.

None of this change is my own doing. It is only from the daily discipline of submitting to the work God’s Spirit is doing in my heart. I don’t know if I’ll be worry free, completely fearless and undeterred by depressive thoughts in this life. But I am confident that when my Savior calls me home, the effort of daily dying to myself will be worth it as the presence of sin is forever lifted and eternity commences.

So if my daughter understood all my words, I would say this to her – keep scooting. Keep laughing. Trust us when we put you in frustrating situations to help strengthen your muscles. Don’t let others tell you that you’re doing it all wrong. You are developing just as God intended. Oh, and one last thing baby girl:

It will never cease to amaze me how God uses your presence in my life to draw me closer to him every day. Praise God for that incredible blessing.