Advent Joy for the Downcast Soul

I was surrounded by everything I’ve longed for - two beautiful children loudly enjoying the home we’ve been blessed with while I cooked dinner as we waited for my husband to come home. Christmas music was playing in the background, remnants of the Christmas craft we had made earlier were scattered across the table, and my children were happily dancing around in all of it.

And yet, as I stood there in this scene I had dreamed about for so long in years past, I found myself engaged in an epic battle against an old enemy.

Depression has been a struggle for as long as I can remember. It was there in high school and college, though I may not have had the vocabulary to define it. It was there in my single days when I first moved to Colorado and it was there after our honeymoon.

I had never dealt with it until God gave us our first child. My postpartum hormones magnified this problem to an outrageous degree. While most women struggle with this in the first few months after giving birth, I was still debilitated by it 8 months after our daughter was born. By God’s grace, he used this tumultuous period of my life to break me free from old sin patterns and redeem a part of my life I had seen no hope in.

And while I can look back over my life and see just how far God has brought me, while I can look at my second postpartum experience and rejoice at how vastly different it was because of the work that God had previously done in my life - the battles still come.

By God’s grace, it’s not as often as it used to be. But there are still more times than I’d care to admit where my soul is downcast and it takes every bit of strength God gives me to pull myself out of the pit of despair.

So studying Advent joy has been tricky because it’s one aspect of the Christian life that I have to fight to hold on to. How could I, someone who battles against depression, boast about the joy we have with the birth of Jesus Christ?

Well, I can boast in this joy, even in times of depression, because my secure, eternal joy is not based on how I feel. It’s based on the glorious, irreversible truth of my salvation.

It can be hard to lean into truth when our feelings overwhelm us. Our feelings are right there in our face, they are heavy and feel trustworthy in the moment. But regardless of how we feel, the truth of the gospel remains. There are days I have to fight with everything I have to remind myself of this, and the fight is exhausting. But goodness gracious is it worth it.

Let’s take a look at the words from the book of the Bible meant for those of us who ride the rollercoaster of emotions:

“My tears have been my food
    day and night,
while they say to me all the day long,
    “Where is your God?”
These things I remember,
    as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng
    and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise,
    a multitude keeping festival.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation and my God.

My soul is cast down within me;
    therefore I remember you
from the land of Jordan and of Hermon,
    from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep
    at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves
    have gone over me.
By day the Lord commands his steadfast love,
    and at night his song is with me,
    a prayer to the God of my life.” Psalm 42:3-8

This is raw emotion. The Psalmist is truly pouring out his heart before God. But he doesn’t end his time in prayer being hopelessly engulfed by the weight of his downcast soul. He does something profound. He pauses to preach to himself. He says “my soul is cast down within me; therefore I remember you.” He recognizes his soul is depressed. He doesn’t mince words or try to lessen the pain he is experiencing. But he intentionally turns his heart back to his God. He remembers how faithful God has been. He remembers the steadfast love of his God. And he reminds himself that these feelings are only temporary. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

Our feelings are fleeting. Our salvation is eternal. The joy that entered the world at the birth of Christ is a joy that will last through every hardship, every season of depression, every sadness, sickness, and unknown. The hope we studied at the beginning of this season, stands firm in all seasons. The peace we have with God never falters, even we are at our worst. The love of God for us is steadfast in every moment. And the joy of our salvation abounds from here through eternity, no matter what we feel.

As a caveat, of course, I’m not a doctor. By God’s grace, we live in an age where there is medicine to help with the physiological symptoms that may heighten the struggle with depression. So if that is something you need in order to quelch the struggle enough to where you can truly fight the battle and be in a state of mind where you look at the root of this issue, by all means, talk to your doctor and get that help!

But at some point, we all need to reconcile and rejoice at the joy of our salvation remains strong and secure despite how we feel. The joy of our salvation is something I can cling to when depression threatens to steal my day. The joy that came to the world the night Jesus was born stands strong in every moment.

If your soul is downcast within you, take heart, dear friend. The joy that we celebrate at the birth of our Savior is yours to enjoy. The glorious truth of the gospel remains in our lowest of lows. Take time today and preach the good news of our Savior to yourself over and over and over again. Hope in God. You shall again praise him.